by the Sarah Chevallier
Name: Holden Caulfield Many years: 19 Industry: “Jobs” was having phonies whom “care” about bogus stuff like “bills” and you may “food” On Holden: Only in search of casual relationships, as every person’s an artificial with the exception of me personally (obviously). Sidebar, I am not entirely sure that “phony” mode the things i think it means.
Name: Heathcliff Years: Virtually little idea. Occupation: Mergers (with my enemies’ family members) and you will purchases (of their wide range and you will glee). Regarding Heathcliff: Invested very long cultivating one #RevengeBody and also #RevengeWealth, the good news is I am shopping for a good, gullible girl to settle off having, ideally individual who just has-been about my challenger, which also simply might married on my youthfulness buddy. You are sure that, to own typical, entirely maybe not nefarious factors.
Name: Odysseus Years: 38 Community: King off Ithaca who’s a hundred% Lacking an excellent midlife drama Regarding the Odysseus: I’m everything about one to wanderlust lifetime: it is more about your way, maybe not the destination, you realize? Specially when the new appeal is full of “responsibilities” including “governance,” “parenthood,” and you may “marriage to a lady that is obviously wiser than just me personally as the she evades on the market including sexual chattel to possess 10 years if you are I doof doing fucking arbitrary witches and you will blinding one-eyed beasts.” Register me toward travels, child.
If Literature’s “Difficult Men” Was in fact On Tinder
Name: Edward Rochester Many years: 43 Job: Wealthy widower. Yep, the old baseball and you will strings are deceased. Genuine dead. Not already inside my loft becoming restrained with an actual ball and you will chain. On the Edward: Looking a more youthful lady who can error my brooding appears and you will condescending misanthropy getting heartbreaking torment, and you may essentially try toward employer-staff member roleplay. Added bonus in the event that she wants children however sufficient one to she is lay away from by the exactly how imply I’m back at my used daughter.
Name: Winner Frankenstein Ages: 34 Community: Doctor, scientist In the Winner: In search of someone whom offers my personal warmth towards the secrets out-of lives but would also getting upwards for a relentless hunt to fully capture and eliminate blackplanet my old roomie out-of my personal weeks during the this new College out-of Ingolstadt. Feeling of thrill is extremely important, because the i get off towards North Pole in a few days.
Name: Jay Gatsby Decades: What age how would you like us to become lol Industry: Influencer, Renaissance Child Regarding Jay: I’m weirdly similar to your partner, but like a fabulously rich and you can mysterious form of your you to you’d never have dumped with no GODDAMN Need regarding the beginning, Daisy.
Name: Rodion Raskolnikov Years: 21 Community: Beginner, Outrageous Guy whom officially it will be completely okay when the he merely murdered an old lady, as the I am talking about, he’s over the top, nevertheless discover, just officially do not call that mean cop who keeps snooping doing. Throughout the Rodion: I am only a better-than-normal son searching for a virtually angelically an excellent woman with a beneficial heartbreaking tale who will for no valid reason invest by herself so you’re able to my personal redemption which can be very on enjoying me reciting my personal half-baked Opinions 101 “theories.”
Name: Jake Barnes Years: 29 Job: Expat, alcohol Throughout the Jake: Super manly. Definitely, definitely, definitely not impotent. Most with the angling and you can obsessing along the close and intimate alternatives out-of a female that is entirely only a friend (however learn, certainly not an equal who has capable of making her own options, on account of you to damn ladybrain). First off: perhaps not Jewish.
Name: Hamlet Age: twenty-six Industry: Coming Queen of Denily is everything in my experience. As in, I will not other people up to We split my children, friends, or maybe even my country aside according to a discussion I got using my dad’s ghost about it’s so Gross you to Mom and you may Sibling C are performing they, and he conformed that it’s completely typical you to definitely I’m therefore fixated back at my mom’s sex-life. My personal last wife was not one skills, thus I am selecting an individual who usually support myself within this difficult time and won’t possess a fucking cow whenever We stab her dad and you can vocally discipline her.
Name: Lucifer Ages: Not Applicable Profession: Ex-angel, Self-employed enemy out-of Jesus and his awesome production From the Lucifer: I really developed online dating, very this is Heck.